Yesterday's workout

Maybe I am wrong to be frustrated, but sometimes I just don't think he understands that I need to do something for myself. I have been trying hard to spend some quality time with my treadmill. I like the weekends cause I can hop on the treadmill for half an hour after getting myself and the girls breakfast. Piper is happiest in the mornings and can be occupied by the jolly jumper or her sister for a half hour or so while I exercise. However, with Paige going to school at 12:40 on weekdays, by the time we do our morning routine, if I went on the treadmill, I would not have enough time to shower and feed Piper again before taking Paige to school, so I am left with evening jogs. Last night, Glenn did not have soccer so he was home with us and after supper we all went downstairs to watch a little TV while I fed Piper. When I was done, I thought I would go for a run...ok more like a walk/jog on the treadmill for an hour. Afterall, Glenn was home, and Piper had a full belly, so surely he could take care of her for an hour. 30 minutes in to my walk/jog, Piper starts getting fussy in her jolly jumper so he takes her out and she sits with him for awhile, then 10 minutes later he puts her in her swing and asks Paige if she wants to go outside. So, I thought he was just getting Paige ready and then they were all going outside. Nope, not the case. Apparently Piper was staying with me. Now, I know I had already been on there for 40 minutes but Paige constantly asks me when I am on the treadmill "Are you almost done Mom" To which I respond with the number of minutes I plan to still run. Not that she understands time anyway, but he heard several times that I was only going to be on there for another 20minutes from this time. So, they go outside and 2 minutes later Piper starts screaming. I can not calm her down by talking to her from the treadmill, so I am forced to get off and pick her up. Now, I made a goal for myself to do an hour, so I hopped back on with baby in hand and finished my last 15 minutes swapping her from arm to arm just absolutely steaming that he couldn't watch her for 15 more minutes before going outside, or take her with him. I was so frustrated but thought, well I guess I am the one being paid to stay home with her, I should just work my stuff around her. If she gets upset while I am trying to do something I guess that's just too bad for me. But when Paige and her Dad came in I couldn't keep it in, I asked why he couldn't have taken Piper too so I could finish my hour on the treadmill, he said he thought she was sitting good and was happy cause she could see me. Ok, now that I write it I feel a little petty, but at the time it was very frustrating. Dare I give it another shot tonight?

Why can't I just say NO?

So, as of today I have been on maternity leave for 6 months. Half of my time home with my beautiful baby is already gone. But how could that be? It seems like she was only born a month ago. So, why on earth would I say yes? Why would I say yes when half of my time off with her is up already? Because that's what I do. I am a people pleaser. This is just something that I have always done. I do not know how to say NO to work. That's right, it looks like I am off to work tomorrow morning at 9am. I am not returning from mat leave, but I received a phone call today from my boss saying that the current receptionist has been off sick for the past two weeks and he can not get in touch with her to find out when she is coming back. He's not sure if she is in the hospital or very ill at home, or what's going on, but he is in desperate need of someone to answer the phones at the office, resulting in the call to me. I tried to say no, but it came out more like this... I am not sure if I can find someone to watch my girls and I am nursing so I can not be away from my baby for more than three hours at a time... What I think I meant to say was... I am really sorry that you are in this predicament but I would really like to enjoy my time home with my baby.... So, he told me even a couple hours here and there would help out a great deal, that he would work around whatever times I could come in. So, I told him I would let him know if I could find a sitter for a few hours any days coming up in the next week or so and got off the phone to think about it. As I got Paige ready for school I thought about what to say when I call my boss back. I am always thinking it would be good for both Piper and I to have a little time apart so that she doesn't end up NEEDING Mom all the time. I could also use a little adult time, you know just being somewhere without the kids wanting something from me every minute. I love them to pieces, but sometimes a breather would be nice. A little extra cash never hurt and Piper can drink from a bottle if necessary, so I guess I talked myself into saying yes, once again, as has always been the pattern with me and being asked to come in to work on days off. So, I guess it's up to you, tomorrow Glenn, to take the place of Mom for a few hours because I just don't know how to say NO!

Happy 1st Birthday Brayden

I still remember it like it were yesterday. One year ago today, I was sitting at my desk at work trying not to throw up in my garbage can AGAIN. It was the day before my sisters due date (I think) and I received a text that she was in the hospital about to give birth to her second child. Well, let me tell you, it is very hard to concentrate on work when all day you are waiting for a call to give you the wonderful news. Would I get a niece this time around? Finally my crazy sister after just giving birth not long before, calls me up with the great news. She was now a mother of 2 boys. I guess my daughter was then outnumbered by her boy cousins. 8 more months and we would know if the numbers would be lopsided forever or if it would be an even playing field. Anyway, back to one of the longest days at work ever, just starring at the clock waiting for 5 pm to come so I could run out of work and drive to Brandon to meet your newest niece or nephew. I was going whether Glenn and Paige were coming or not. Finally work is over and we all head West. I couldn't wait to meet little Brayden. So, I guess what I am trying to say is, I can't believe it's been a year since you were brought in to this world little guy. Happy Birthday Brayden! Auntie loves you very much!

A Little Depressing....

About a month ago I finally went out to my parents house to clean out all the stuff that I had left there when I moved out 7.5 years ago. Going through boxes of things from your childhood that you have not looked at in about 10 years sure does bring back a lot of great memories. Had I done this 5 years ago, EVERYTHING would have been packed into my car and brought home with me, but I have come to realize that I do not need boxes of my old school binders dating back to grade 6, or notes written back and forth between me and my old "boyfriends" And did I really need to hang on to the piles of backstreet boys posters and calendars? Nope, not anymore, so I managed to toss most of it in the garbage, but I did bring home a few things. Those things have since been sitting in my bedroom, still in the boxes until yesterday. I decided I should really get them put away, so I open up the boxes, already forgetting what I had brought home. My memory isn't what it used to be since having 2 kids. I didn't get to far in emptying my 2 boxes. Why you might ask. Well, the first thing I pulled out, was my grade 12 prom dress. Made me think back to that time. The time were I sneakily (is that a word) convinced one of my best buds to ask the guy I liked to go to prom with her so that we could all go together. Yes I am a terrible person, but is it as terrible if it turns out that I now have 2 beautiful daughters with that handsome guy?? I like to tell myself it is. Anyway, back to the dress. Now, after 10 years and 2 babies, I am sure I will still look fabulous in this long slinky type dress. NOPE!!! I was wrong. I should never have taken the dress out of the closet. I tried telling myself it was cause my hair was not done fancy and I am nursing so my boobs don't fit it quite the same, but in all reality it was the bulging belly that did me in. Luckily Piper was sleeping and no one else was in the house to see, so I stuck this dress to the very back of my closet. Next, the dress I wore to my ex boyfriends prom the year after mine. Well, this one looks like it will be a little more forgiving. It was, but there's no hiding this belly in a long slender dress. So, it joins my prom dress. Ok, this is getting a little depressing, but there's only 1 dress left... the bridesmaid dress I wore for my best friends wedding. I looked good that night and it is a beautiful dress. So, on it goes and it looked really good.... IF I sucked in my belly and bum as far as I could. Truthfully, when I stood relaxed I wondered to myself, am I 6 months pregnant again? So, needless to say, this made me a little depressed so instead of going through the rest of my boxes and putting things away, I opened a bag of chips and went to town on them. Yes I know, not gonna make the belly disappear, but it sure did make me feel a little better in the moment.

Paige lost her 1st tooth

It's official, my 5 year old lost her first tooth. She tells me this means she is now a big girl. I forgot how exciting something so simple is to a 5 year old. 2 days ago she woke up and I made her breakfast. She took one bite and complained it hurt her tooth. Now, she is known to make excuses when she doesn't want to eat something, but I took a look in her mouth, and one of her front bottom teeth was crooked, so I felt it with my finger, and sure enough it wiggled. I told her " Paige, you have your first loose tooth" Her eyes lit up and a big grin came across her face. "I have to tell Mme. Hordeski" (her kindergarten teacher). She has been so jealous of all of her little friends who have been losing their teeth lately and she kept asking "Mommy why don't I have a loose tooth?" The day finally came. Then for the last 2 days she only wanted to eat soft thing because it hurt her tooth to bite or chew things. Then, this afternoon, she asked if she could have an Oh Henry Chocolate Easter Egg that she had brought home from Grandma's the day before. I allowed it, she forgot about the loose tooth, and next thing I know, she comes over to me with this look on her face, as I realize that she just bit right into this thing, so I look in her mouth and the tooth is lying down sideways in her mouth barely attached. I send her over to her Dad to remove it. He jokes with her as if he is pretending to pull it out, and ta da, without her even realizing it, a very tiny tooth is in his fingers. We had to take some pictures of the gap in her teeth and the tiny little baby tooth in her hand. She was so proud. " Mom are you going to email those pictures to everyone we know?" Tonight before we tucked her in to bed, we put the tooth on her dresser next to her bed (she was scared it would get lost under her pillow and the toothfairy would not be able to find it). She even thought we should leave a note explaining where the tooth was and maybe draw a picture of the tooth in case the Toothfairy could not read. I am sure we will have one happy girl in the morning when she wakes up to see that bright shinny tooney sitting next to her bed. I am sure the first thing she is going to do is put it in her piggy bank and ask me "Mom, now do I have enough money to buy that Rapunzel doll?"

Getting in Shape

So, my baby is now 4 months old and I am back to my pre pregnancy weight, which makes me really happy, but my old jeans barely do up and I am able to grab a lot more tummy fat in my hands than I would like. Not to mention summer is coming, and with the warm weather brings taking the kids swimming, which involves me wearing a bathing suit. I put on my bathing suit the other day and I did not like what I saw. I do not want to be that person at the beach that everyone stares at and is thinking WOW THAT'S NASTY! Now, I could fix this solution with swimming shorts and a t-shirt over top and all would be fine, however the look of my body is not my number 1 concern about getting in to shape right now, although it would be a huge plus. No, the real reason I would like to get in better shape is because I want to be able to run around outside with my children and not pass out from exhaustion after 15 minutes, I want to be able to join the rec soccer league this summer because I really miss playing some sort of sport, I want to be able to play ball on July 1st with my family and if I am lucky enough to get on base, I want to be able to run the bases without my legs turning to jelly and giving out on me before I even get to 2nd and the #1 reason I want to get in shape is the Pembina Valley Challenge.
The Pembina Valley Challenge is a smaller version of the Amazing Race that takes place over September long weekend each year. My sister and I have taken part in this a couple of times now and I am really looking forward to it this year. My sister is amazing and she could run all day, so I don't want to hold her back. I want to be able to run along side her and actually contribute to the challenges instead of hindering. I want to be able to run from place to place so that we can complete more tasks in the allotted time and I want to be able to climb that hill to get to the other side of the zipline without having to ask 100 times "are we almost there". September long weekend is one of the things I look forward to most each year and we always have so much fun, and I think we would have even more fun if I were actually in shape. So, how am I going to accomplish this you ask? Well, my plan was to start walking/jogging on my treadmill now, so by September I should be cruising. So, the treadmill is now set up in the basement. I walked/jogged for 25 minutes one day and wrote down how far I was able to make it. Let me tell you, I am even more out of shape than I thought. It was really tough. I started with a 5 minute warm up walk, then I alternated jogging for 60 seconds and walking for 90 seconds. Well I got to about 13 minutes and I was having trouble breathing, so I walked until about 20 minutes and then jogged for another minute, then walked the rest of it. The next day, I did the same thing for 25 minutes but I was able to get in a bit more jogging and increased my distance. The 3rd day my goal was to increase my distance by a little more, which I did, but not without consequences.
Now you may be wondering what kind of consequences I could face by simply going on a treadmill, well I guess I did not yet mention that my before mentioned 4 month old daughter was born by c-section. Since I hadn't experienced any pain in at least a month I figured I was good to go. Well just because the wound is  healed doesn't mean the muscles are repaired. That third day on the treadmill I wanted to cry, but I didn't want to give up. I had already started and I wasn't quitting before my 25 minutes were up. So I finished and then it hurt just to walk around the house for the next 2 days, but it is feeling better today and I am going to give it another go. I guess I will just have to take it a little slower than  I had originally planned but I am going to be able to run along side my sister in September! Now if only we could do something about our navigation skills =)